after everything I've done for YOU

I've been thinking about anger a lot lately. Especially the things people say when they are angry and how they are interpreted, and intended.

One phrase in particular: How could you do that to me after everything I've done for you. My personal feeling is that we stop listening, or really, caring about whatever hurt (real or imagined) has occurred when we hear after everything I've done for you. I could write a whole post on that, but I digress. I know that sometimes the words are intended, just as said... but not always. I have a lot of experience at watching these words being hurled back and forth. And have been subjected to them a time or two myself. I have to believe that there is a better way to communicate these feelings more effectively and maybe accomplish forgiveness, healing & growth as opposed to raging anger and hurt feelings.

From watching the emotions in and on the person "saying" these words and trying to look beyond the WORDS themselves, here are a few interpretations:

Why did you break my heart like that?Why did you disappoint me?Why haven't you lived up to my expectations?How could you not meet my unrealized expectations?How could you not know me?Why don't you love me?You hurt me.You hurt me and I don't know how to deal with it.I don't understand your actions.I'm confused and scared.I'm angry and lashing out at you because you won't leave me.

of course, there is always: How could you do that to me after everything I've done for you?

(because I haven't posted in a while, this is cross posted from 3/9's LJ)


I don't really have the energy to write everything that's been going on right now. I'm not sure I will. Though I write in my journal in my head all the time.I've been having a thought about prayer lately. It's come to me over time, from things my Christian friends have said to me both here and in person and from listening to the radio...all different ways. I've always felt that I was a very prayerful person. Honestly, I still feel that way, though I think I'm beeing called to a different kind, or maybe level or prayer. I purposely pray and I pray out of habit and I talk to God all the time. I don't talk about it too much, unless it's to offer prayer. But Lately I've been thinking about praying on your knees, something I don't do a lot of. But I just always thought that the way I did it was great. I can talk to God in the car for crying out loud! I still think that's good. But, I've been wondering if the reason that people are called to get down on their knees, might have something to do with ... I can't think of the word I want to use, maybe...honor? I don't know. But it's been seeming to me more and more that to make the effort to be alone before God, with no distractions and get down might be something of a devine design, rather than something that Biblical scholars talk about being Holy. Just a thought.

This song, is what has been playing in my head over and over the last few days as we battle against some familial demons and live in this crazy world. I had the tape when I was a teenager and would listen to it over and over again. Interesting how some themes stay current for more than 20 years. I have to see if I can find it somewhere on cd

Within My Reach (Scott Roley, John Thompson)
We agree that love should be
The purpose of the earth
The way you love your neighbor
Is a measure of your worth

Can you hear a baby if she cries out in the ghetto
And if you do is she within your reach
Beating swords to plowshares
Is the hope for all good men
No matter what their government
Their race their creed their land

When you count the warheads we have pointed at each other
How do we place peace within our reach

Lord I must stand against the madness
Knowing in my weakness you will be made strong
Through a simple serving spirit of gladness
Help me Jesus stand against the wrong
And even as you have touched me
I will touch the ones you place within my reach

Loving one another
Is the way to heal the hurt
Spending time with you Lord
Is the only way love works

I can see the old men who are drowning in their bottles
I can feel the heartache of the lonely and the troubled
I can see the children being murdered in their mothers

Lord I must stand against the madness
Knowing in my weakness you will be made strong
Through a simple serving spirit of gladness
Help me Jesus stand against the wrong

And even as you have touched me
I will touch the ones you place within my reach