I always thought that country singers wrote the best songs about parenthood. And Christian artists. I know I'm not a parent, but I know a lot about it, I won't justify myself, I just do. Every time I hear a song about little girls, I think of Dave and Renee and Becky. I've been making a playlist in my head for years. Today, driving home from work, I heard a song called It Won't Be Like This For Long (surprisingly, by Darius Rucker) and I fell immediately in love with it. Of course my thoughts went to baby Becky, to those Tuesday nights when she was an infant and I would sleep over with Renee and we would watch CSI. To her silliness, her funny faces, her special hugs and kisses and unconditional love. How much fun watching her grow up has been. How heartbreaking. How Renee would let me put her to bed when I was over, how I would steal extra time rocking her, and one time, I cheated and let her sleep on my chest even though I tattled on myself. I knew it wouldn't be that way for long. Her last day in the crib. Then I thought of Madeline and her intense little gaze. Her quiet concentration while she sizes up the situation, her joyful abandon just like her big sister.
Before I knew it, I was thinking of Brittany Rae. And I was crying. I didn't even know it. I used to love how she would say "I'll hold her" when she wanted us to pick her up. She heard us all saying "I'll hold her!!!", So, that's what she thought she should say. It felt like just yesterday that she was 3 years old, at my house, and she wouldn't sleep and the pediatrician said to give her some childrens benedryl. Then she stayed up for 3 days in a row. Chris and I had to take turns sleeping, so she wouldn't be up alone. And when Chris and I took her to Padre Island for a week with his family, and she played on the beach all week. I love looking at those pictures. I know that it was just yesterday that she came to visit me in Vermont, we spent 10 days playing cards and swimming, and painting our nails. We rode the gondola up Mount Mansfield, she hated my boyfriend and my boss paid her to help me with my filing, she told me that she wanted to be anything except for what I was, a Benefits Administrator. She got to hold Becky hours after she was born. I sat in the airport for 2 hours and cried after Brittany left.
But it wasn't just yesterday. I've lost 3 babies since Brittany was born and divorced her Uncle Chris. I've had my heart broken since Becky was born, and I
I've gotten re-married. And in the last few month's, I've gone with Becky's daddy to drop her off at SCHOOL, Brittany has gotten a tatoo designed by her late father and gotten her own apartment. She works two jobs. Becky has lost two teeth.
Aunt Boo can't stop crying. But don't worry, It won't be like this for long
